Gratitude in the Graveyard

I definitely feel a temptation to only write about the fun and amazing parts of the Race, but I think it’s important for me to share both the good and the hard. Some seasons of the Race are harder than others and Romania was definitely one of those harder seasons. But through it all the Lord was so faithful and taught me some important lessons.

The day we got to Romania we were warned that it wasn’t going to be easy. There was a note on my bed from a racer that had been there a few months before that said “God is the only way I can make it through Romania”. At our ministry orientation we were told that the spiritual heaviness in the region of Romania that the region of Romaniawe were staying in, felt like carrying around a 70lb weight and that it was known as a missionary graveyard because of the burnout that missionaries experience in this area.

The transition from Guatemala to Romania was difficult for me for a lot of reasons. I loved everything about Guatemala, the sweet people, the amazing food, the vibrant colors, the ability to speak the language, and the warmth of the culture. At training camp we learned about warm cultures and cold cultures and I never fully understood what that meant until I stepped foot in Romania. All of a sudden it felt like we were in a completely opposite world culturally. At the same time our two alumni leaders who had been such a big part of my journey on the race thus far were no longer with us. It was definitely hard for me to adjust to their absence and it felt like such a significant part of our team was missing. Finally, it was during this transition that I realized just how far away from home I was and really struggled with feeling homesick for the first time on the Race.

As a result of all of these things, the first week there was HARD, but after talking as a team we realized that we were all struggling with the change to some degree. That’s when one of my sweet teammates had the idea to make a gratitude wall. We hung a piece of paper on the wall of our house and committed to writing one thing we were thankful for everyday. They weren’t big things, they were everyday things like: hot showers, coffee, hugs, horses, puzzles, and ripe avocados. It was through this practice of gratitude that the Lord started to shift my perspective. Circumstantially nothing had changed, but by intentionally recognizing the good, slowly but surely things didn’t seem quite as bad.

One morning, I was overwhelmed thinking about all the things I was grateful for. I wrote in my journal that morning “Today has been so sweet! And it’s only 9:16 am! We woke up early and went on a run! In the forest! I ran almost 2 miles! Definitely the most I’ve been able to run recently! Then we went back to the coffee shop and are having our quiet times, and this caramel macchiato is sooooo good! And I’m about to start reading Galatians, which is such a good book!” It was this morning that I began to see how a posture of gratitude started to give way to joy. I was just so grateful for so many little things that I was overcome with joy and the realization of how good the Lord is. It was then that the Lord started showing me that gratitude isn’t just looking for the “good” things in life, it’s actively seeking signs of His goodness in everyday moments and things. By intentionally allowing ourselves to see just how good the Lord is and how He is present and working even in the most difficult seasons and circumstances, it opens our hearts up to be filled with His joy. First our eyes must be opened to recognize the goodness of the Lord all around us in order for our hearts to be opened to receive the Joy of the Lord.

It was just as the Lord was teaching me about the importance of gratitude and joy in the midst of hard seasons that we were asked to move to Craiova and reunite with our other team who was doing ministry there. They too were struggling with the hardships of being in Romania, as Craiova, a larger city, was especially a heavy, exhausting, and at times hopeless place to be serving. When we were all back together as a squad I saw how easy it was for us to feed off of each other’s energy, whether positive or negative. The Lord started showing me that gratitude and joy was not only a personal thing but something that could be stewarded communally. He reminded me that His joy is contagious and something that is meant to be shared with others. In that environment it was easy for us as a group to fall into negativity, hurry, striving, discontent, and frustration. Therefore it was important for us to choose to hold onto to joy together. When I look back, all of my favorite memories from Romania are ones where we as a family were intentional about cultivating an atmosphere of joy. This looked a lot of different ways: running through sunflower fields, spontaneous worship, popping confetti canons out of the second story window, dance parties, scootering through the park, and more. Each moment was such a sweet reminder that our joy comes from the Lord and therefore nothing can take it away.

In a lot of ways our time in Romania felt like being tossed around in the ocean. It was exhausting, disorienting, and uncomfortable. But despite this, the Lord never failed to be present in the struggle. He never failed to provide joy in each and every little gift. He never failed to unite us through moments of gratitude. And He never failed to continue His work in and through us the whole time. For me Romania was the hardest 5 weeks yet. However, as I reflect I am grateful for it all, because it brought me to a place of dependence on the Lord where He could show me His joy up close and personal, even among the waves.

B🤍